TAPESTRIES

"IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME YOU WOULD..." - Dating Tactics - #3

Yep, me too!  I have, countless times, looked directly through the man who is bold enough (or stupid enough) to begin a sentence, like this, and directed it towards me.  This statement, with whatever it is followed by, is a RED FLAG that sends my brain into overdrive, and my intolerance level right over the edge of the cliff.  Most of you find humor in my responses to these situations, and often, afterwards I find humor too.  But, when I am 'IN THE MOMENT", it is no where near as funny.  This is a blatant display of an attempt to manipulate on the part of who so ever utters it.  And, me being me, you should know that I don't take kindly to manipulation. 

Let's take a step back and analyze the "..." (dot dot dots) of this.  Trust, that I have heard IT ALL!!!  And right here, and now, we are gonna break it down, and dish out some responses that should come from those of you who have been auditorially violated by one of these idiots.

#1 ... WOULD HAVE SEX WITH ME - This has to be the worst of all! 

What he is trying to accomplish here, is the worst kind of manipulation.  It involves emotional game playing, which IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE!!!  And it also means that he could, absolutely and with complete certainty, not care less about you.  If you fall for this crap, then:

A) you have no self-esteem or self-worth, and

B) you are just as big of an idiot as he is. 

MY RESPONSE?

Hmmm, well it is really funny that you should bring that up.  I was just thinking earlier today about the men that I have had sex with, and you know what, It occured to me that I didn't love, not even, one of them, and that I have serious issues with commitment!  So, by your comment, I believe that you're suggesting that if I don't love you, that I probably shouldn't have sex with you.  Gosh, I am sssooooooo glad you brought this up, because I could have just made a huge mistake and gotten you caught up in an emotional situation that would only be dissapointing to you later, because, to be honest, after I have sex with a guy I start avoiding his calls completely.  Thank you so much for your decency, and respect for me.  I suppose that now, would be as good of time as any for you to leave.  I would hate to hurt you any more than I already have.

And then you get up, and walk his a$$ to the door.

#2 ...YOU WOULD CHANGE (THIS OR THAT)

What he is trying to accomplish here, is control.  And that, too, is NEVER ACCEPTABLE!!  NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, has any right to try to control YOU!  If you fall for this crap then:

A) again, you have no self-esteem or self-worth

B) you deserve to be controlled

C) you need to spend more time with your friends and family who DO appreciate you   for who you are.

MY RESPONSE?

Umm, excuse me, but I am exactly the same person that I was when you first met me, so if you have a problem with me now, then you have had one with me all along.  And in my oppinion, it takes a pretty weak person, to quietly tolerate something that bothers them.   Besides that!, if it has taken this long to begin eating away at you, then either A) you should have taken that into consideration BEFORE, and moved the he(doublehockeysticks) on to someone else Or B) you never considered it an issue until NOW so why bring it up?!.

And then, you grab a suitcase and offer to help him pack his things, just after you inform him that you would never stay with someone who bounced up, and down on your nerves.

#3 ...STOP CHEATING ON ME/SLEEPING AROUND ETC.

Well, I am not EVEN GONNA GO THERE but I will say this: The SPEAKER, here, has the problem, not the person that they are speaking to.  Pack his bags, or put all his shi! in a trash bag and throw it in the yard.  Just make sure you lock your windows and have the doorlocks changed before he comes home.  Do not let him set one foot across your threshold again!  And start going out with your friends and family.  IMMEDIATELY!  Grow up!, and find a man who isn't a tom cat.  It is easier than you think!

#4 ...SHOW ME/SAY IT.

OH MY GOODNESS......COME ON!!!! Once again, the speaker has the problem here, not the listener.  Actually, I don't even feel sorry for the person who is WEAK enough to utter this crap!

A) Get some self esteem, because you are probably making the listener's life a living HELL!

B) Find an excellent counselor

C) Love yourself before you rush off to start a relationship

D) IF YOU DON'T THINK HE LOVES YOU THEN WHY IN HELL ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME?  WAKE UP!

MY RESPONSE:

Guys don't often say this to me, but it has happend!  I responded by using both of these techniques.  First, I spoke...(IMAGINE THAT! lol)..."I am not going to WORK on convincing you that I love you, because if I have to convince you then there is a problem.  So, apparently our relationship style is not compatible, and we, therefore should not challenge ourselves further by continuing this, only to ultimately be dissapointed.  Secondly, I showed him the door, and made sure he walked through it.  Then I shut it, locked it, and turned the ringer on my phone to off.

LISTEN UP LADIES!  If you don't believe you are worthy of a decent partnership, then you AREN'T.  I don't care what you believe in your mind.  THERE IS A MAN OUT THERE WHO WAS DESIGNED JUST FOR YOU.  I found mine, and believe me, I have hoped and given up hope, and then hoped again, and out of the blue he dropped in my lap.  There is a partner who is worth your time, and he will NEVER use a line like this, or any of the other lines I have mentioned, on you.  He has the power to love you with every fiber of his being, and you have the power to love him with yours.  Yes, it takes time!  Yes, it takes compromise!  Yes, it takes unconditional love!  Yes, it takes Truth, and Honesty, and Trust.  But it does not, and should not take work, or tolerance, or manipulation, or abuse.  YOU do not work on LOVE, LOVE works on YOU.  Otherwise, it is WRONG and you are only going to be grossly dissapointed.  

When you meet him, you will know.  A moment of pure clarity will slap you right in the face.  When you wake up in the morning you will think of him first.  When you go to sleep he will be the last thing on your mind.  When you see him, your heart will smile and you will feel whole, and you will wonder what you can do next to make sure that every second, he is happy and smiling.  You will see every flaw he has and appreciate it, knowing that he was designed specifically and totally for you, as you were for him.  When he touches you, or kisses you, or smiles at you, you will feel his love for you.  It will hit you like a ton of bricks every single time.  That is LOVE.  TRUE, REAL, UNDYING AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  AND THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE SEEKING.  

WHAT SO EVER you do, do not settle for a loser.  The only purpose of a LOSER, is to deter you and distract you, from the one man that will change your entire world.  It is up to you, and only you, which one of the men you will let win.

Happy Dating!